Regrettably, I’ve been absent from writing here these last few months. Summer came, school let out, we moved out of our house and into a rental….Bill went to school for 6 weeks, came back and immediately began work. Then somewhere along the way I discovered a likely lifelong issue with my lower back. It’s been a whirlwind. I’m so thankful for God’s provision through all of this. Although things seemed questionable along many points on the road, He lined things up just as He always does.
The thing is….as the sinner I still am, I doubt. I fall back into thinking I’m the one in control. That through consternation and worry, I can actually change something. Ha. After 41 years on the earth, and most of that spent as a believer, you’d think I’d have a grasp on the topic. But I still turn to my own thoughts, I still think I can intellect my way through the roughest roads in life. Instead of surrendering, instead of trusting…..instead of hitting my knees or reading scripture I sit and stew. Overthink. Replay events. None of which has the slightest chance of impacting anything that’s next.
But here’s whats beautiful. He knows this and yet He still loves us fiercely. Despite every flaw, every falter, the numerous times we flee and try to hide our faces. He loves. All He wants is for us to chase after Him as intensely as we try and flee. Most of the time that isn’t an easy thing to do, and there are stories in Scripture just to that point, such as the most famous ones in the book of Job. But in those same stores you see the peace, the love, the outpouring of love God still has for His children in those same moments.
For one second I don’t believe that change is done with me yet, that those cool winds that blow in with Fall won’t bring more decisions to make or points to ponder. But with every round I relinquish a little more of my own need to fix things on my own, to turn over the these things to the One who’s never letting go. As I look back through every obstacle I’ve faced along this path, He’s never left, always taken care of me.
Thanks for letting mr share what’s on my heart today. -m